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whatever remains, however improbable
my lover is experiencing reverse evolution

Harry Styles | Niall Horan | Zayn Malik

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tagged as
willsmiff
willsmiff replied to your post: so apparently I’m juggling three men now which…
maybe you can squish them all together and make one passable human being. but it’s unlikely.

I mean, realistically speaking, I want Guy 3’s bod and face and (seemingly) nice-person-ness with the writer’s mind and conversation and awesomeness in bed and the captain’s hair* and actual fondness for me and ability to respond to texts within 72 hours.

*Although, honestly, they all have great hair. Actually, they all have the same hair, dark and curly and slightly-longish and gravity-defying. And Guy 3 and the writer went to the same school and studied the same subject and write in the same genres and are both really into math and inexplicably technologically illiterate? And Guy 3 and the captain (and cardigan kid) are incredibly thin? And the writer and the captain are both right around my height? And I may have a type? Jesus christ.

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tagged as
:))))))))))))))

  • so apparently I’m juggling three men now
  • which I’m about as good at as I am at juggling three physical objects
  • which is to say T E R R I B L E
  • I’ve started just referring to them by number when describing their various failings
  • Guy 3 was an awesome and super fun lunch date a few days ago which ended with an emphatic “I had fun, we should do that again” from him BUT THEN I texted him a “how’s it going” the next evening and got no response soooo
  • Guy 2 (the writer) didn’t respond to my last text so I was like, whatever, that’s over (which is why I picked up Guy 3 to begin with!!! argh!!!) and then yesterday he’s all “are you still out of town” and we had a brief textversation about my migraines BUT THEN I was like “so how’s it going?” and again no response like are men allergic to that question or
  • Guy 1 (the captain) who I am roughly 1000% done with is of course now acting all weird and jealous and shit and blowing up my phone like he hasn’t DUMPED ME TWICE NOW
  • and Cardigan Kid is apparently in a fight with his girlfriend so he snapchats me whenever he’s bored and randy now idek
  • just
  • what
  • as Liz wisely said, “you’d think having three of them would mean that at least one wouldn’t be The Worst, but no. They are all The Worst. Everyone is The Worst.”

via: nellery
tagged as
*mike drop*
lady-nevada: writeswrongs: cumaeansibyl: peeingisfreeing: coffeeandconlangs: Unnecessary “fillers” in our speech. I’d rather have “like” than up-talking, though (if we had to choose one, that is). Ewwww, up-talking. Then again, a combination of the two would render me homicidal maniac. yes, colloquial speech is stupid discourse particles are stupid quotative particles are stupid fillers are stupid lower registers of speech = stupid!!!!!!woah aaa/ Like, did you ever notice? That, like, the speech patterns people, like, think are stupid?  Are, like, commonly associated with, like, women? And, like, there’s this thing? Where, like, women aren’t supposed to be, like, assertive? So they, like, qualify their speech? Because, like, we’re not supposed to, like, stand by our opinions? 1) humiliate women so they don’t feel qualified to speak authoritatively about anything 2) humiliate women for speaking in such a way that reflects how you treat her 3) laugh, you are superior because you don’t use words like “like.”  It isn’t as if being a huge stupid asshole has ever made you worse than a woman who speaks with verbal tics.   Holy shit

lady-nevada:

writeswrongs:

cumaeansibyl:

peeingisfreeing:

coffeeandconlangs:

Unnecessary “fillers” in our speech. I’d rather have “like” than up-talking, though (if we had to choose one, that is). Ewwww, up-talking. Then again, a combination of the two would render me homicidal maniac.

yes, colloquial speech is stupid

discourse particles are stupid

quotative particles are stupid

fillers are stupid

lower registers of speech = stupid!!!!!!woah aaa/

Like, did you ever notice? That, like, the speech patterns people, like, think are stupid?  Are, like, commonly associated with, like, women?

And, like, there’s this thing? Where, like, women aren’t supposed to be, like, assertive? So they, like, qualify their speech? Because, like, we’re not supposed to, like, stand by our opinions?

1) humiliate women so they don’t feel qualified to speak authoritatively about anything

2) humiliate women for speaking in such a way that reflects how you treat her

3) laugh, you are superior because you don’t use words like “like.”  It isn’t as if being a huge stupid asshole has ever made you worse than a woman who speaks with verbal tics.  

Holy shit

tagged as
THE PRETTY
lethallycapricious: sumpunkkidwithtattoos: “Enchanted River - Phillipines ‘NO ONE HAS EVER REACHED ITS BOTTOM’ Enchanted River is found in the Phillipines. It is called “enchanted” because no one has ever reached its bottom. Many people, including scuba divers have tried reaching for the bottom but have failed, hence the legend of its bottomless pit. Moreover, locals share that NOBODY has been successful in catching the fish in this river, whether by hand or by spear. They say its bluish color is a result of its depth and the water clarity changes throughout the day. At around 12:00pm, the water becomes clearer and even more majestic.” screams.

lethallycapricious:

sumpunkkidwithtattoos:

“Enchanted River - Phillipines
‘NO ONE HAS EVER REACHED ITS BOTTOM’
Enchanted River is found in the Phillipines. It is called “enchanted” because no one has ever reached its bottom. Many people, including scuba divers have tried reaching for the bottom but have failed, hence the legend of its bottomless pit. Moreover, locals share that NOBODY has been successful in catching the fish in this river, whether by hand or by spear.
They say its bluish color is a result of its depth and the water clarity changes throughout the day. At around 12:00pm, the water becomes clearer and even more majestic.”

screams.

latviia:

michaxl:

do she got

image

image

shiduuuuuuu

Only for @mobwivez would I wake up at 9 on my day off. The cinnamon rolls helped, though. (at Ann Sather)

Only for @mobwivez would I wake up at 9 on my day off. The cinnamon rolls helped, though. (at Ann Sather)

via: nellery
lavishness: soaringrachel: sea-change: they also went to the louvre together to, like, check out the dicks on statues for comparison just to calm scott the fuck down. (i can just picture them, scott being his usual neurotic self, and ernest just like, ‘give me strength. are you fucking kidding me? i nearly died in the war. i have a fucking medal of bravery. and we’re looking at cocks together. gatsby can only take you so far, my friend. you better write another goddamn masterpiece soon.’) #the long version of this story is actually much better #because scott asks hemingway to have lunch with him and the first thing he says to hemingway when they’re there is ‘so you know how i’ve … #…never slept with anyone but zelda’#hemingway is like #…what #scott says so i was fighting with zelda the other day and she told me i wasn’t …adequate #hemingway is like … #…OH #he says: scott let’s go into the men’s bathroom #they go into the men’s bathroom #they come out of the men’s bathroom #hemingway says scott you are PERFECTLY FINE #scott is all B BUT WHY WOULD ZELDA SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAAAAAT #hemingway just. does not comment on zelda fitzgerald. #(that’s a fucking lie hemingway comments so hard on zelda fitzgerald) #scott says WELL I STILL FEEL BAD #hemingway says OKAY FRIEND HERE IS WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO #WE ARE GOING TO GO TO THE LOUVRE #AND YOU CAN LOOK AT ALL THE COCKS YOU WANT #OKAY???? #scott is like …sniffle; okay #they go to the louvre #scott feels even worse #hemingway kind of sees his point #he says ‘look scott do you want me to just give you some fucking tips’ #scott is all …yes #hemingway gives him some tips #which according to his memoirs include ‘the trick with the pillow’ #and much much more #and well zelda and scott stayed married THIS POST GOT BETTER.

lavishness:

soaringrachel:

sea-change:

they also went to the louvre together to, like, check out the dicks on statues for comparison just to calm scott the fuck down.

(i can just picture them, scott being his usual neurotic self, and ernest just like, ‘give me strength. are you fucking kidding me? i nearly died in the war. i have a fucking medal of bravery. and we’re looking at cocks together. gatsby can only take you so far, my friend. you better write another goddamn masterpiece soon.’)

#the long version of this story is actually much better #because scott asks hemingway to have lunch with him and the first thing he says to hemingway when they’re there is ‘so you know how i’ve … #…never slept with anyone but zelda’#hemingway is like #…what #scott says so i was fighting with zelda the other day and she told me i wasn’t …adequate #hemingway is like … #…OH #he says: scott let’s go into the men’s bathroom #they go into the men’s bathroom #they come out of the men’s bathroom #hemingway says scott you are PERFECTLY FINE #scott is all B BUT WHY WOULD ZELDA SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAAAAAT #hemingway just. does not comment on zelda fitzgerald. #(that’s a fucking lie hemingway comments so hard on zelda fitzgerald) #scott says WELL I STILL FEEL BAD #hemingway says OKAY FRIEND HERE IS WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO #WE ARE GOING TO GO TO THE LOUVRE #AND YOU CAN LOOK AT ALL THE COCKS YOU WANT #OKAY???? #scott is like …sniffle; okay #they go to the louvre #scott feels even worse #hemingway kind of sees his point #he says ‘look scott do you want me to just give you some fucking tips’ #scott is all …yes #hemingway gives him some tips #which according to his memoirs include ‘the trick with the pillow’ #and much much more #and well zelda and scott stayed married

THIS POST GOT BETTER.

  • so I talked two more people into opening store credit cards to save 25% off a purchase under $500 today
  • and while that is technically my job and I’m damn good at it and make nice little bonuses for it
  • every time I see a grown adult come in with the version of the card that indicates that they both spend a lot of money with our brand every year and have a significantly worse credit score than I, a recent college grad working retail
  • I get quietly kind of upset that our card-opening discount explicitly targets people who can’t actually afford the item they’re buying and therefore legitimately can’t resist the extra percentage off one goddamn blazer
  • aka
  • people who shouldn’t be opening more fucking credit cards
  • thus virtually guaranteeing that they won’t be able to pay off their balance in full sometime and will get shafted by the terrifyingly high APR and make lots of money for the credit card companies
  • and I know if they weren’t opening it with me they’d be doing it with someone else/somewhere else but I’m participating in it and I’m exceptionally persuasive and I feel gross about that sometimes so yeah

via: nellery